when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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