if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This house was built for laser tag.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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