Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
