Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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