She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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