do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
