oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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