Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
