Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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