remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
