$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
