So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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