You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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