Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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