dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
