singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
