I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
