I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
