yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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