Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
