I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
