SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
