I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
