:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
