sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's get the cat blown out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
