coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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