eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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