Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
