like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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