i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
