what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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