No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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