Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
