i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
