Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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