How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
