my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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