when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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