She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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