i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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