she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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