i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
