Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
