That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
