We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
