i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
