last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
