I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
