Sacagawea was the original milf.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
