Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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