Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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