Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize