My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
