You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
