At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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