Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
