i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
