i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
