So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
