Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
