you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
