i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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