I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
