Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
