My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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