I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
