i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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