I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
